It's Still Christmas In mid-2004, I responded to a call for a woman who apparently was not feeling well. We arrived at the scene, and were met at the door by a young man in his 20's. He told us his mother was lying on the couch and he thought she might be sick. As we entered the house, we noted that the Christmas tree was still up, and wrapped presents surrounded it. This was July. We followed the young man into the living room where he said his mother was. Mom, indeed, was lying on the couch. She had actually become part of the couch. She had been dead for over two years. (Yes, two years.) We determined she had died around Christmas, 2001. Her body was "mummified" and had actually "melted" into the couch. There was no longer any odor, but I'm sure the first few months after her death, the odor was quite strong. The young man had some serious mental disorders, and his mother had always taken care of him. He had been taking care of her for the past two years. ~ submitted by: David M. Habben of Idaho State EMS in Idaho, USA.

911 & 999 is for emergency use only! Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency? Caller: Fire, I guess. Dispatcher: How can I help you sir? Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks? Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency? Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me? Dispatcher: Help you what? Caller: Help me get these chains on my car! Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband ~ submitted by: An anonymous Dispatcher of Some 9-1-1 dispatch centre in Some unknown place.

The mall call My partner and I were dispatched for a cardiac arrest at the local mall. When we arrived we saw a crowd of people gathered around a man on the floor. My partner began to prepare for intubation as I started to get the defibrillator prepared and draw up drugs. Wanting to get CPR started as well, I looked up at the crowd of people and asked "does anyone here know CPR?" I heard a gasp and a woman shouted out "OH MY GOD, THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW CPR!!!" My partner and I looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh, and we still chuckle about it to this day. ~ submitted by: A paramedic from Ontario Canada of  in .

What The...? We have been called out to attend a car fire some kilometres out of town in the middle of the night. While on route, we had been advised by the police that a gang fight might be in progress at the scene. Armed with this info, we had decided what we were going to do. As in turn the fire hoses on them to cool them off, that sort of thing. When we arrived we were confronted only by two half naked guys running around the car! Now, what happened: Two guys go out in their newly done up hotrod. A fire breaks out under the hood, so they jump out and try to beat it out with their shirts. Being highly flammable materials it only fuelled the fire more. Then then tried their pants, and after that had made it worse again, tried the synthetic carpets from inside the car. This only made it worse, and also somehow caught the inside as well in fire. (we think they tried to put the carpets back) Neighbours seeing the frantic running and yelling from afar, thought it must be some young hoodlums causing problems, so called it in as a gang fight. When we arrived on scene, it took a few moments for us to react, as we were all in fits of laughter! Seriously this happened! ~ submitted by: Mat D of An Australian Rural Urban Fire Brigade in Qld, Australia.

Job Security Tactics While transporting mentally handicapped patients from Harare to Bulawayo, the bus driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few beers. When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue. Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the Bulawayo institute, where he hastily handed over his 'charges', warning the nurses that they were particularly excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society. ~ submitted by: An anonymous Paramedic of some Ambulance/Patient Transfer Company in Zimbabwe.

Untitled One late night the call went out to the firebrigade to respond to a grass fire. At the scene the fire fighters couldn't first find any fire, but then they spotted it - 1x1 meter (yard) grassfire!! The officer jumped out of the fire truck and over to "the fire", used his right boot and put it out. On reporting back to the alarmcentral the report was: "Grass fire put out with help of shoe size 45 (European)". ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firefighter of some fire department in some unknown place.

be careful (or whatever you wish) We responded to a home on report of an injured child. When we arrived, mother escorted us to the bathroom and threw open the door. There was her 12 year old son in the tub, on his knees and hugging the wall. We soon discovered that the young man was "experimenting" with the bathtub faucet as only a 12 yr old could do.He was uncircumcised and the foreskin had 'ballooned' around the glands and he was stuck. After trying what seemed like every trick in the book, we had to cut the faucet off at the wall an transport him with the faucet in place. At the hospital a cast saw was used to remove the faucet and because of the abrasions he had he had to be circumcised as a result. Moral of the story - be careful what you experiment with and how. ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firefighter of some fire department in some unknown place.

Lisbon Stories see 5 true stories related to real fire or rescue incidents at the "unofficial site for Lisbon Fire and Rescue services" http://www.geocities.com:80/- CapeCanaveral/Launchpad/8263/index.html not really weird but...fun anyway! ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firebuff of Lisbon (Portugal) Fire and Rescue Services in Lisbon ,Portugal.

"Put your Blasting Cap on." A 28-year old male was brought into our ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills (his grandmother's Angina medicine) and a fifth of vodka. When we asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode. ~ submitted by: An anonymous EMT of some EHS department in some unknown place.

Report from Cambodia This story by Derrick Harvey offers a rarely seen view of another fire service far removed from what many of us may have seen or experienced. It may just give you a new found respect for your own situations, and is definitely worth a look. A Report from Cambodia. ~ submitted for: Derrick Harvey of WFR in Vancouver Island / Lower Mainland BC. Canada.

New Boy A number of years ago when I was a new boy the first fire I attended was in a block of flats, on the fifth floor on hearing the command "get a tube on it" from my Station Officer (referring to a hose reel) I grabbed the nozzle and the tubeing and ran in to the lift (elevator) and pressed the button for the fifth floor much to the amusement of my crew. ~ submitted by: John Arthur of London Fire Brigade in London UK.

Untitled My weird story goes like this. I got a call for an unknown emergency. Upon arriving on scene I was advised by the patients boyfriend that they had "lost" their condom. Upon interviewing the patient I asked her if she had done anything to try and recover the lost condom. She replied that she had already gagged herself so that she could vomit up the condom ~ submitted by: An anonymous EMT of some EMS service in some unknown place.

Untitled This thread made me curious. How many departments have had this call dispatched roughly word for word the way I got it?"Medic 42 to XXXX Street. A woman has fallen and she can't... ... Woman down." ~ submitted by: Ken Kinser of some fire department in some unknown place.

the Dispatcher "Dispatch, I'm spelling the name: Yankee, Oscar, Uniform, Alfa, Sierra, Sierra, Hotel, Oscar, Lima, Echo" - Paramedic after being fooled by a very incompetent dispatcher numerous times that day (he even wrote *those* letters completely down before understanding...). ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firefighter of some fire department in some unknown place.

the Scuba Diver This story is one of the oldest circulating the popular fire department stories circuit.I felt it would be negligent not to include it on this page, but encourage anyone who knows the identity of the originators, to forward it to me. (chris@orchard.nu) Response to a wildfire on the south of France's Cote d'Azur was billed as a marvel of modern fire-fighting technology.Two specially-built flying boats zoomed in, skimming the waters of the Mediterranean, scooping vast amounts of water into their belly tanks,dropping that water upon the hillside fire.All was jolly and the wine flowed freely until a body was found in the ashes.The coroner found that the gentleman had apparently fallen from a great height, suffering serious injuries before being burned to death.The report further noted that the victim was wearing a bathing suit,snorkel, and swim fins. ~ submitted by: Lt. Chris "Boots" Orchard of Metchosin Volunteer Fire Dept. in BC, Canada.

the Fish I have heard this is a true story but it has been passed around enough that I am sure it has been changed a little, however it is so bizarre it has to have a basis in the truth.In the last couple of years the crews of a Bay Area FD were told that they would have to be more careful of how they talked to some of the "Alternative lifestyle" people that they encounter. With this in mind a crew was dispatched on an unknown type medical problem. Upon arrival at the address they were greeted by a frantic man telling them that they had to come help his lover.Upon entering the bedroom they found the pt. on all fours with a partially frozen fish protruding from,well... Apparently they had been playing with this item and it melted enough that the scales would not allow it to be removed. As the story goes the Fire crew worked heroically to maintain professionalism,unfortunately the transport crew did not have the same restrictions. Upon arrival of the transport crew one of them assessed the situation and advised the pt. that "you really should chew your food better." ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firefighter of some fire department in some unknown place.

the Turtle I was working OT on one of our med units on the beach (Our County sits on Atlantic ocean), we get called to a possible drowning.We responded along with one of our ALS engines from another station, & we both arrived pretty much the same time to the location. We grabbed our equipment, headed down to the beach expecting to see someone doing CPR or whatever. Down the beach a couple of hundred yards away, was this guy flopping around in the water. The EMT & Medic on the engine, walked down to the guy, told him to come out of the water. He came out, we started questioning him as to what was going on. He proceeded to tell us that he was pretending to be a sea turtle, and wanted to show the other area beach goers "How a sea turtle gets from the sand, to the water, & out to sea".He told us that he started in the sand on the beach on his belly, flopped around like a turtle does,and headed toward the water. He gets to the water, flopping around to get past the waves and make it out to sea. Someone apparently came by and thought he was in trouble and called it in.He seemed to be upset, because he told us that no one was paying attention to him as he was trying to show them how the turtles get out to sea. Well, we advised dispatch of the situation, no one was hurt, or in trouble, we we returned to quarters. ~ submitted by: Jim Frye of Sta 43 Brevard County Professional Firefighters in E. Central Florida, USA..

the Cervical Collar AT an MVA my captain was explaining to the nice elderly lady that this is a cervical collar, and I'm going to have to put it on you ...At this point she interrupted him by saying that it wasn't necessary, her cervix has been bad for years! ~ submitted by: An anonymous Firefighter of some fire department in some unknown place.